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Promote Autonomy
Your natural inclination is going to be to solve everything for them in the
next few years. We urge you to not do this. They need to handle their own
problems. Realize you will likely see and talk less to your student. Wait for
them to reach out — they will do so when and if it is needed. This distance
does not mean anything is wrong, it simply means they are becoming
more independent and becoming their own decision makers. Encourage
them to utilize the numerous campus resources, especially the free ones
— the academic success center,
writing centers, Counseling and
Psychological Services, student
organizations — and remember the
Parents Council website also offers
many resources. Good parenting is
learning to let go, and everything
up to this point has been about
letting go. You have created good
boundaries for them, and they
will be successful because of the
experiences you have created.
Embrace Your Own Changes
Simply because you have sent your
child to Clemson, does not mean
you will still not worry and share
concerns for them. Your worry does
not go away — you will worry about
their safety, what they are doing and
who they are hanging out with. When
experiencing such feelings, remind
yourself there are hard-working,
dedicated staff and faculty to help them. You will never stop being their
parent, but can and should begin reframing that relationship. Work to find
the appropriate balance. Now is the time to think about yourself and what
changes this transition brings for you. One note — if this is your second
student it is likely easier, but do not assume transitions will be the same as
with previous student. Each student has a different experience as they map
their lives.
Opportunity to Start Over
College can best be defined as a period of “transition.” For some, it is a
time to create a new or altered identify from the one they had in high school.
Many students will develop new identities, seek new roles and engage in
experimentation. Recognize as they are in this time of exploration, they may
look and act different. For example, they may develop new eating habits,
express new political viewpoints and dress differently. Preparing yourself
mentally and recognizing these transitions as expected will allow you to
respond appropriately.
PARENT TESTIMONIAL
“My relationship with my
children has always been
strong. They feel comfortable
coming to me with the ‘good
and the bad.’ It’s part of
parenting, right?
My son realized what a
privilege it was to attend
Clemson University. It was
going to be a huge step for
both of us. More than 840
miles from home, we knew
some things would need
to change: eating right,
receiving medical assistance,
doing laundry. From the
mundane to the most
important, he would be
living on his own and making
choices without Mom and Dad
peering over his shoulder. And
guess what? They [students]
figure it out. A few bumps
along the way, but they are
able to navigate almost
anything. They grow and
mature into young, responsible
adults, but the innocence is
still there in their hearts —
that never changes. They’ll
ask for money, but they’ll learn
how to budget. They’ll ruin
some clothes, but once they
realize they just can’t run out
to the mall with Mom and Dad
to replace their favorite shirt
or skirt, they start to pay
more attention to the label!
(CONTINUED ON PAGE 11)
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